To Gain Empathy, Reverse Roles

Understanding is not simply an intellectual activity. Feeling empathetically how others may feel can be as important as thinking clearly about how others may think.

There is a lot of truth in the old saying that “where you stand”, depends upon where you sit.” Another way of trying to understand the other side’s perceptions is literally to sit in a different chair, pretend to be someone on the other side, and try to see the situation from that vantage point.

The chairman of a company held liable for a patent infringement had called in a consultant to advise about the negotiation of a possible settlement on the dollar amount of damages. The case had been in litigation for years.

The chairman had been told that if the worst happened, and he should be held liable, he could always settle -but he had little appreciation of how much the other side would expect.

Encouraged by the consultant, the executive agreed to switch seats, moving from his own chair to a chair the consultant had designated as that of the president of the plaintiff company. While the executive initially resisted “playing games,” he was eventually persuaded to assume the role, of that president and to state the plaintiff’s case in the first person as forcefully as he could. Within a few minutes he was playing the role well. Asked how much he might accept in settlement (an amount that, in real life, would be paid out by this executive’s own company), he replied (still in his role as the opposing company’s president), “Why, I wouldn’t take their whole damn company!” Shaken by this experience, and with new insight into what might be required to settle this case, his company raised its, settlement offer by one hundred fold. It was rejected, and the judgment was ultimately for even more. An earlier attempt to appreciate the other side’s partisan perceptions would no doubt have led him to pursue a wiser strategy from the outset.

Engaging in role reversal is an excellent way to prepare for any situation where our task is to change someone else’s mind. Lawyers often prepare for an argument in court by having a friend or colleague pretend to be the absent party- the judge who will hear the case. Such preparation will be even more effective if the lawyer sits in the judge’s chair, pretends to be the judge, and from the judge’s point of view hears the lawyer’s own prepared arguments being delivered by a colleague.

To gain insight by reversing roles, we first identify the person whom we expect to be attempting to persuade (the “absent party”) and find a friend or colleague to help us. Our helper is someone who either already knows our side of the conflict or will quickly learn the points we currently plan to make. Then we sit in the· chair labeled “absent party,” and with the assistance of the helper, come to think of ourselves as being that person. Finally, our helper sits in our chair, assumes our role, and presents our side of the case. While playing the part of someone on the other side of a conflict, we hear our own arguments come back at us. Through such role reversal we can often gain insight and empathy for the other side – sometimes dramatically so -in a way that helps us tailor our arguments to make them more persuasive.

Our purpose in managing conflict cannot be to end all differences. Each party will always see its own reality -each will have strong partisan perceptions about the conflict and his or her role in it. A more useful question than “Who is right?” is: ”Given these strong partisan perceptions, how can we move forward?” We need to find a way to cope with conflict despite the fact that people have differences.

Roger Fisher

Source:

Fisher, R., Borgwardt, E. and Schneider, A. 1994. Beyond Machiavelli. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press.